Some relationships can be safely called toxic: they literally poison people emotionally. It happens when one of the partners is driven by selfish motives and a lust for power over another. But sometimes our conclusions about the alleged abuser are quite far from reality.
To understand the true causes of what is happening in your relationship, WeGoRo suggests looking at some cases from a different angle.
Yeah, that’s annoying. "You could do this. You could do that." But is that really your partner’s discontent with you? Take a closer look. Perhaps they are just sure that you are capable of more or think you were wrong to bury your talent. It’s true when they say that onlookers see more than players.
Be honest: when you ask a question, do you really want to hear the truthful answer, or do you just want confirmation that you are right? It’s very important to answer this question to yourself first so as not to seek ill intent in the overly direct answers of your loved one later.
Love is a roller coaster. It goes up when feelings flare up with renewed vigor and then down when everyday life and problems start to exert their pernicious influence. If your partner needs some time alone to deal with their problems, do not think of it as the end of your relationship. Just give it some time.
Deep inside, each of us desperately needs compliments to convince ourselves that appearance is not the criterion by which a good person is judged. But if you suddenly gained weight that rendered you short-winded, your partner’s remarks can be attributed to caring about your health rather than wanting to offend you.
We all have different personalities, interests, and circles of contacts. If your partner is a fan of fishing and a nature enthusiast, while you like bowling and noisy get-togethers, don’t take offense that he doesn’t invite you to come along to the lake. He just remembers how bored you were last time.
All people quarrel from time to time. It’s normal. But it is not normal to expect your partner to come running to reconcile immediately. We all need time to calm down and to consider our feelings and the words we blurted out. This is a necessity, not a wish to make it hurt even more.
Illustrated by Ekaterina Gapanovich for BrightSide.me