Words we say to our loved ones in the heat of the moment or because of fatigue can be dangerous, making life together extremely tense or unbearable. Sometimes they simply lead to a breakup.
WeGoRo collected 11 phrases that are better left unsaid because they are disastrous for a relationship. Better to bite your tongue than regret your words.
When we say phrases like “Oh, what nonsense!“ or ”Don’t be so upset about work!" or “How much longer can you worry about it?” we do not console or reassure our partner. Instead, we devalue their feelings.
Our partner is unlikely to open up to us if we reject their feelings or think them ridiculous. They will feel loneliness and resentment, and this will undermine the relationship. Instead, try to understand what causes your partner’s feelings.
If one or both partners has lost interest in how the other behaves, it means the couple is on their way to a breakup. Don’t throw around words that express indifference. Listen to yourself, and discuss how you feel with your partner.
Never compare your partner to other people’s husbands or wives if the comparison is not in their favor. Instead of setting someone as an example, focus on the positives — on the good that your partner brings into your life.
Try to avoid phrases that contain generalizations like “always,“ ”never," and “constantly.” Using these words, you blame your partner for the problems of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
It is much more effective to concentrate on the present and seek a solution together and also to abandon the accusatory position. Talk about your feelings. This helps your partner to hear and understand you.
All people without exception need a stable self-esteem, and words that degrade it are traumatic for everyone.
If you throw around phrases like “You call yourself a man?“ or ”Who’s going to want you?" or “No one but me will need you!” sooner or later your partner will go to someone who loves and appreciates them, to someone who admires them. Is this the goal you are pursuing?
“I want a divorce.“ ”I want to get away from you." “I’m going back to my mother’s.” If you don’t have a firm intention to get divorced or break up, never say these words. And in general, do not rush any phrases that are not aligned with your true feelings and desires.
Firstly, it is a manipulation aimed at achieving something from your partner. Secondly, it can lead your union to consequences you aren’t ready for.
Few words will equal the destructive power of the phrase "It would be better if we never met!" The meaning of such phrases is that your partner is guilty of all the bad things that happened after you got acquainted. And the bad memories in your perception far outweigh the good ones.
Do not let such offensive words out. It’s better to ask what is your share of responsibility for what is happening in the relationship? What is your personal contribution to the fact that there is no joy and harmony in the relationship?
“It’s all your fault.“ ”It’s because of you that we constantly quarrel." “If it weren’t for you, we would not be late.” In contrast to constructive criticism aimed at improving the situation and the relationship, these statements drive in a sense of guilt. Their main goal is not to solve the problem but to manipulate a partner.
“I can definitely live without you!“ ”I’m with you only because of pity and for the sake of the children!“ Or simply “I’ll manage without you.” These phrases should never be uttered, however hot the argument. Remember that relationships and love are of huge value. And conflicts — ”local" and passing.
If you say to your partner, “This is none of your business,“ ”Mind your own business," or “I do not have to report to you,” you let them know that you don’t respect them and don’t consider it necessary to be frank with them. Thus, you are shaking the foundation of your union.
When one partner fences off from the other with a wall of silence, it is more dangerous than any words. In fact, this is a "break of communication" in a pair. As a result, partners don’t understand each other and can’t find ways to solve the problems that have arisen.
The only way out is to decide to...talk. No matter how painful or unpleasant this conversation may be, it is much better than silence. After all, it provides a chance to hear each other.